The Unofficial Guide to being a “Super Mom”

When you have kids, you have to be organized.  The more kids you have, the more organized you are required to be.  You know those mom’s who have five kids; they all seem like they still wear diapers, her house is always a mess, and she looks like she got hit by a truck?  She is not organized.  I remember the moment I realized I was going down that path, and I am not quite sure why I am sharing, as it was one of my biggest parenting fails.  I forgot my son’s kindergarten graduation.  I opened his little folder for homework and there was a picture with him and his little cardboard diploma.  He told me other kids had their parents there while he sat alone with the teacher.  There are no words to describe how bad I felt for him and how disappointed in myself I was.  That was the moment I vowed to get my crap together.  I have come a long way since then, and while I am not claiming to be a “super mom,” I am pretty damn good at it.  Here are some of the tricks of the trade: 

1.  You have to have a schedule and everyone needs to know what the hell is going on.  After the forgotten graduation of 2010, I went out and bought a big whiteboard with a calendar printed on it.  I mounted that bad boy to the front of the fridge.  We put everything on there: appointments, what’s for dinner, sports, exercise classes, whatever.  That way everyone knows what is going on and no activities (or important milestones) are forgotten. 
2. Use slave labor (aka, make your kids help).  I am not a maid, chauffer, housekeeper or cook.  I am a mom and part of a family.  We operate as a team.  Granted… I sometimes feel like I am the only functioning member of that team, but I do not wait on my children.  Your kids are capable of doing things.  All you have to do is tell them what to do.  “Oh, you’re thirsty?  Cool story.  You know where the glasses are.”  “I’ve noticed you have working hands.  Here is your laundry to put away… by yourself.”  Try saying these things.  They make life easier.
3. Train your husband.  I kid, I kid…  (Okay… not really.)  My husband and I generally submit to the traditional gender roles in our marriage.  However, I have cut the grass before, and he helps out with the kids.  A lot actually.  If it weren’t for him, I would be ten times more tired than I currently am.  He really helps me a lot.  But I had to ask him.  As every husband on the face of the earth has ever said: “I’m not a mind reader you know…” 
4. Teach your kids to sleep.  The best thing I ever did was sleep train my kids.  They rarely come in my room at night.  If they do, I send them back to bed.  I am sorry, but have you ever slept with a kid?  If you can get a good night sleep being kicked in the ribs and slapped in the face, good for you.  I, however, cannot.  This momma needs her beauty sleep.  And coffee.  Lots of coffee.
5. Look like supermom.  Even if you don’t have your shit together, you have to look as though you do.  People can tell that you rolled out of bed to drop off the kids at school.  How do they know?  You are still wearing your pajamas.  And not cute ones either.  It’s the spring break shirt from 1999 with sweatpants that have paint on them from when you redid your bathroom five years ago that give it away.  Don’t wear these.  Run a brush through your hair and slap some mascara on.  Put on clothes that don’t have stains.
6. Give your kids some space.  In addition to things I am not, I am not hired entertainment.  I work 40 hours a week on top of all my other responsibilities.  Do I play with my kids? Sure.  Is it my job to keep them occupied?   No.  Teach them to play independently.  You’ll thank me later when you have five guilt-free minutes on Pinterest at the end of the night.
7. Pick up as you go, but don’t freak out over a mess.  My house right now needs 20 minutes notice to be people ready.  This 20 minutes includes my husbands and kids’ help (remember the team thing?).  Even if someone stopped over unannounced, I wouldn’t be terribly embarrassed.  There are cheerios and toys on the floor and the waste basket is full.   I’m over it.  There are several people living here and there are bound to be messes.
8. Lastly, quit trying to be everything to everyone.  Set your priorities and make life manageable.  Stop over-committing your kids and yourself for that matter.  They really don’t need to be in 17 extra-curricular activities.    No really.  They don’t. You also don’t need to be on every sports committee or at every PTA meeting.

In case you didn’t notice, there really is no such thing as a “super mom.”  Will you still forget to do things?  Yes.  Make mistakes? Yes.  The key is… never admit it.  What the other moms at school don’t know is what makes you look like you have your shit together.